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Joke of the Day

"Me: Screw you, Tuesday! Tuesday: I have a boyfriend."

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"My friend told me I didnthave the confidence to farm rocks. You should have seen the look on his face when I grew boulder."
"So I introduced my new girlfriend to my family Everyone seemed to like her except for my wife"
"What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult."
"So I think we have pretty much covered what to do if life gives you lemons"
"When coining nicknames, be sure it reflects how that person has impacted your life. For example, my two sons Buzzkill and Third Mortgage."
"What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly your dick into a woman's ass"
"My grandma got her bathroom redone with this sparkly gold-specked tile and she just called it her ""golden shower"" so goodnight."
"A wind turbine's friend asks him what music he likes Wind turbine: ""I'm a big metal fan."""
"What do you call a capital lambda? A sheep-da"