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Joke of the Day

"MTV stopped having their ""Unplugged"" specials because the shitty artists we have now can't play any instruments."

"Olive Garden's motto of ""When Youre Here, Youre Family"" makes sense bc I also try to make my family miserable by serving them terrible food."

"Patient asks his doctor... A patient asks his doctor, ""If I gave up women, wine, and song, would I live longer?"" The doctor replies, ""No, but it will feel longer."""

"I met a girl the other night. She really had something... I think it was AIDS."

"It's called a runway. But you taxi there. In a plane. Go home English, you're drunk."

"The steak that I put in the Easy Bake Oven as a child is still not done"

"I looked up in the sky and a bird pooped in my eye I'm sure glad cows can't fly."

"Why do we have to sit at red lights if nobody's coming the other way? We don't have to pay our taxes if nobody's checking, right?"

"If there's 'Extra Virgin' olive oil, there has to be a 'Dirty Slut' variety as well"

"I will read that article on how procrastination can kill me As soon as I get around to it."