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Joke of the Day

"My wife caught me measuring my dick. Embarrassing! It reached just to the back of her sister's throat."

"What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? fitting in"

"Guys; You know you need to lose weight when your girlfriend is always wanting to suck on your titties."

"I'm really irritated by people that are missing phalanges. I guess I'm lactose intolerant."

"I'v been catfishing my best friend Dave for the last 3 weeks. He's gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I'm showing these emails to his wife."

"*dumps Gatorade on an alligator* How does your family taste you green piece of shit"

"Don'tcha wish your g/f was fun like me? *plays Twister* Don'tcha wish your g/f was a freak like me? *regurgitates a jellyfish* Don'tcha...?"

"What does a communist prostitute do? Seizes the means of reproduction"

"Best part of election night is seeing how fast states tabulate votes and judging the slow ones. What's up, Sloth Carolina?!"

"My fairy godmother asked me if i wanted a long memory or a long penis... I don't remember what I said... ...but I have back problems now."