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Joke of the Day

"Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?...No you hang up first! Hello? 911?"

"COP: Your home was robbed ME: Dang I had a self-designed alarm system C: Didn't work M: Back to the drawing board C: They stole that M: Dang"

"""wow these chicken wings are SPICY"" i say aloud to no one, the world ended years ago. i'm not even eating wings. even the sun has gone"

"How do you open a banana safe? With a monkey. ^^^^I'll ^^^^see ^^^^my ^^^^way ^^^^out."

"I just got hired as a garbage truck driver. There was no training, but I think I'll pick it up as i go along."

"My sister was injured in a horrific singing accident. ""Oh no, is Carrey OK?"""

"I forgot the joke about the Jonestown Massacre. All I remember is that the punchline killed"

"Why couldn't the chord get into the bar? She was A minor."

"How do you fit more pigs on your farm? Build a sty-scraper!"

"If the election were held today, a lot of people would be like, ""I thought the election was on November 6th."""