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Joke of the Day

"I got a call today from a distorted voice saying ""Five grand in cash, or we kill your wife"" Both options were tempting, but I decided to take the money."

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"TIL Ethiopian warriors conquered part of Central Europe in the 1300s That's why they call it Hungary."
"How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A fish."
"Bit of a dad joke - trains in jail Q. Why are trains always being falsely imprisoned? A. Because of their loco motives"
"How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogey in it!"
"A man walks past someone brushing their teeth with toothpaste in a gated garden... ""Cool-gate, dude,"" he said."
"What's 9 and a half inches long and satisfies all c*nts? An iPad."
"What's the difference between a hockey player and my exgirlfriend? A hockey player will shower after 3 periods"
"I was listening to 80s music today. You just can't beat Tina Turner. Unless you're Ike Turner."
"An Atheist, a Crossfiter, and a Vegan walk into a bar... how do I know? Because everyone repost this joke everytime!"