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Joke of the Day

"Friendship: because I've said many dumb things & you acted like they were TED talks"

"alarm (noun) -a device commonly used in the morning to invent new curse words."

"Why did the cosmonaut forget to pack extra underwear? Because he was Russian."

"I'v been catfishing my best friend Dave for the last 3 weeks. He's gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I'm showing these emails to his wife."

"I saw a midget insect having his first orgasm... It was a little beecoming."

"When does a fuckboy become a fuckman? At his bar mitzfuck."

"There once was a poet on Twitter who grew increasingly bitter. He couldn't surmount the strict character count and so his poems got even shi"

"I want to become a politician when I grow up so I've made a list of skills I want to aquire but I've only come up with one: Lying."

"The Ouija board spells out WHAT'S UP GAYLORD and I'm like is there really no one else in the spirit realm besides my grandma?"

"What did the 8 say to the 0? Hey, fatty"