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Joke of the Day

"Q: Who is always your friend at school? A: Your princi-pal."

"A hoe is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it."

"Ever since I got married I have sex almost every day. I almost had sex on Monday. I almost had sex on Tuesday..."

"I want to make a series about the murder of an airline crew but I still have to shoot the pilot."

"London is like the best era of Batman at the moment. Well-orchestrated mild commuter panic and Prince stalking the streets."

"I just flew into town... and boy are my arms tired from furiously masturbating on the airplane"

"I hate when people say, ""He's a nice guy once you get to know him."".....So in other words, ""He's an asshole but you'll get used to it""?"

"Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months."

"Ex picked up the kids, brought me coffee & took out my trash. This divorce thing is really working out for me."

"How can I face the problem? When my problem is my face!"