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Joke of the Day

"I hate when people say, ""He's a nice guy once you get to know him."".....So in other words, ""He's an asshole but you'll get used to it""?"

"You know it's cold outside when you go outside and trip over dog poop instead of stepping in it."

"Q: How do you describe a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered."

"Not every badly unkempt guy is homeless. It could well be that he lives with 3 females and only 1 bathroom."

"Every vote counts! Unless you forget to post your I voted sticker on Facebook, those ballots get thrown into an incinerator."

"What's E.T short for? Because he's got little legs. But seriously, what does ET stand for? Because he can't sit down."

"My girlfriend was complaining that I never buy her flowers. I didn't even know she sold them."

"A good name for a dog would be syndrome. Because then you could say down, syndrome. -courtesy of norm macdonald ;)"

"America is going to suffer if Donald Trump becomes president. You could say they are going toupee for it."

"What does a ninja use to measure someone's pulse A **stealthoscope**"