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Joke of the Day
"What does the twitter bird drink? Twater!"
Next Joke
"I can fake my way through most conversations with my kids if I just look up from my phone every time they stop talking and say ""no."""
"Apparently you can't get a sick leave just because you're sick of seeing everyone at the office."
"Why did Jesus curse the fig tree? [God hates figs.](http://www.wikiwand.com/en/Cursing_the_fig_tree)"
"Careful...I've already had our entire fight in my head and it doesn't end well for you."
"My hands got into an argument last night One was right and the other left"
"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, ""Why the long face, Mr. Horse?"" The horse does not respond because he is a fucking horse."
"Spent an hour by my wife's grave God bless her soul, she thinks I'm digging a koi pond."
"I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison... ...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition."
"My wife wanted one of those ""unique"" names for our son. So we named him Jason The 'J' sounds like 'Th'. The ""ason"" is silent. You add ""omas"" on the end."