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Joke of the Day
"Smoking is actually a good thing for me Look how often I have to go outside into the fresh air"
Next Joke
"I like my coffee like I like my women ... Hot, wet, and all over my crotch."
"My dealer texts to ask if I'm straight and I'm not even sure how that's relevant to our arrangement"
"One time I threw my cat at a spider so I could escape, but sure I'd love to hold your baby"
"My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you're not allowed to use them. Because nothing says CLASS like useless towels."
"6/6/14 Dear Diary - Today was really great. Got a job as an intern with the CIA and sent a cool tweet. 6/7/14 Dear Diary - Guantanamo sucks."
"Circles. I don't see the point in them."
"Mom said I should only date ""a good man"" and I was like HEAVENS TO BETSY I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS PERTINENT INFORMATION BEFORE NOW."
"What concert costs 45 cents? 50 cent, featuring nickelback"
"What do the Canadian Illuminati call themselves? The Illuminat-Eh!"