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Joke of the Day

"I like my coffee like I like my women ... Hot, wet, and all over my crotch."

"I went to get lyposuction the other day. It really takes a lot out of you. (Thought of this one in the shower :D)"

"I got stuck in a blender. Pour me..."

"If u drink the blue liquid from a Magic 8-Ball u can see the future trust me my friend Keith did once & said he was gonna die & then he did"

"[Best man speech] I HAVE DEFEATED THE OTHER MEN IN THIS WEDDING PARTY TO EMERGE AS THE BEST, THE MICROPHONE SHALL BE MINE FOOLISH MORTALS!"

"Do you know which End she was talking about? My teacher pointed me with her ruler and declared that at the end of her ruler is an idiot. I was suspended for a week for just asking which end!"

"Haaha What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off."

"I sent my kids to public school because I didn't want them to be spoiled. Turns out I didn't want them to be educated either."

"Here at Time Warner Cable we know that sex is an important part of a relationship. So we try to fuck you as often as possible."

"I like when the ending credits show pictures from the episode I just watched. What a fun trip down memory lane."