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Joke of the Day

"""Do you know what the hardest part of the night is?"" asked the taxi driver. ""Is it his shield?"" I asked."

"Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry? A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top she's old enough. If it isn't cut the barrel down a bit."

"A Sausage and an egg in a frying pan. Sausage says: 'It's hot in here.' Egg replies: 'A talking sausage!'"

"If a movie is ever titled Reception, we know it won't be starring AT&T.; Am I right? Up top!"

"gas pump: do you want a receipt? Y/N me: *presses yes* gas pump: me: *pressing harder* YES gas pump: lol nope"

"What's the difference between a book and a Mexican? The book has papers."

"God said unto John... ""John if you come fourth you shall receive eternal life!"" But John came fifth and won a toaster"

"Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time, too."

"what do you get when you cross an octopus with a human? thrown in jail for public indecency and banned from the aquarium for life."

"Why is Santa so Jolly? Because he knows where all the Naughty Girls live."