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Joke of the Day

"gas pump: do you want a receipt? Y/N me: *presses yes* gas pump: me: *pressing harder* YES gas pump: lol nope"

"What's it called when Batman leaves the church early? Christian Bale"

"Half of all bears are smarter than the average bear. It's not that big a deal."

"The first rule of tautology club... Is the first rule of tautology club."

"the closest I've ever come to a threesome was when I was mowing the lawn and I got hit in the face by two dragonflies having sex in mid air"

"What's Chris Brown's favorite professional sport? Sockher"

"Why did I leave my grades at the orphanage? I couldn't raise them"

"A fanny pack is a great place to store your manhood."

"What has four legs a tail whiskers and flies? A dead cat."

"What's the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or you can help your uncle jack off a horse"