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Joke of the Day

"When my toddlers ask where mommy is, I explain that she's gone to heaven. That way they're super-excited when she gets back from the gym."

"What do you call an anticlimactic punchline? ""This is an actual question"""

"When people ask how my childhood was, I say ""Pretty good, so far."""

"What's Quentin Tarantino's favorite place to visit? http://www.wikifeet.com/"

"I almost had to go the hospital today because a stranger threw a can of Pepsi at me... I'm just glad it was a soft drink. Otherwise, I would have had to get surgery."

"What book does a gay horse read? 50 Shades of HaaAAaaayyy."

"I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."

"Did you know having children is hereditary? If your parents don't have them, neither will you."

"If a baby like Justin Bieber is the face of teen angst and rebellion, then we've bubble wrapped our kids too tight."

"What did the elephant say to the naked man? ""How do you breath through something so small?"""