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Joke of the Day

"A pirate walks into a bar... With his ship's steering wheel on his dick. The bartender asks, ""Whats with the wheel on your john?"" the pirate replied, ""Arrg it's driving me nuts!"""

"We're equally riveted by stories like the Chilean miners (33 men, 1 hole) & Tiger Woods (1 man, 33 holes)."

"Let's play a game: If you were stranded forever on a desert island and had only one book of Russian literature, how would you kill yourself?"

"I lost my mood ring. I'm not sure how I feel about this."

"In Heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next vacation. Definitely not earth, God said. Last time I went there, I got a girl pregnant and they still haven't stopped taking about it."

"What do the dolphins and the post office have in common? Neither deliver on Sundays."

"A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Unless you're stupid. In which case, who cares."

"My heart goes out to the teenage girls in California who, due to the drought, can no longer take ""unusually long"" baths like we did"

"My dad has the heart of a lion And a life time ban from the San Diego Zoo."

"Why does an ethiopian baby cry? He's having a midlife crisis."