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Joke of the Day

"I used to rub my hair together when I was stressed... But now I'm dreading the consequences."

"Why did the Dolphin commit suicide? Because it felt like its life had no porpoise."

"[catches spider in a glass] spider: omg are you going to drink me? me: oh no this is just to take you outside spider: me: spider: drink me"

"I try not to spend too much time online... ...but Wi-Fight it?"

"Whos the best jewish cook? Hitler......."

"I fell bottom-first on to a window today. It was a pane in the arse."

"Four is equal to five Theorem: 4 = 5 Proof: -20 = -20 16 - 36 = 25 - 45 4^2 - 9*4 = 5^2 - 9*5 4^2 - 9*4 + 81/4 = 5^2 - 9*5 + 81/4 (4 - 9/2)^2 = (5 - 9/2)^2 4 - 9/2 = 5 - 9/2 4 = 5"

"I decided to tell a gay joke but.... I decided to tell a gay joke but then I saw you walk into the room and I decided not to. You're always the butt end of the joke."

"Wife to Husband: I'll have you know I've got the face of a teenager! Husband to Wife: Then you should give it back you're wearing it out."

"What's the best thing about blowjob? A moment of silence..."