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Joke of the Day

"Star Wars Spoilers Woosh Woosh Pewpew Pew Pew"

"""Millennials are so entitled!"" Aye well I don't see 20-somethings screaming for the manager because their coupon expired a month ago, Janet"

"Why does Steven Hawking hate the band Muse? Because he can't stand their song Uprising, it wants him to rise up and take the power back."

"The Inuits don't deal with your crap, because they're having Nunavut."

"How do you know if a guy was in the Navy SEALs? Don't worry, he'll tell you."

"Two television sets got married. The wedding was boring, but the reception was beautiful."

"I was playing Monopoly with a couple of friends and picked the hat piece, winked, and said... M'nopoly."

"Ate a salad for lunch so basically I didn't eat lunch."

"I'm going to to start a horse peeing race, The award will be called the trickle crown."

"Why do Communists only drink coffee? Because proper tea is theft."