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Joke of the Day

"I was playing Monopoly with a couple of friends and picked the hat piece, winked, and said... M'nopoly."

"I am a proud member of Grammar Nazi... And your not."

"ME: I'll sleep on it. MATTRESS SALESMAN: Ok. ME: So wrap it up. I'd like to sleep on it tonight. MATTRESS SALESMAN: Oh, you want the... ok."

"What's the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care."

"One. How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?"

"Son: Mom, when I will grow up enough to get out of the house without asking you? Mom: Son, your dad has not grown up as much yet."

"I farted on the bus today and four people turned around. I actually felt like I was on the voice."

"Guy on this bus just congratulated his friend for having a birthday. Indeed, congratulations are in order for this unique accomplishment"

"What happens to deposed kings? They get throne away."

"What do you call wifi in space? Mars Bars"