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Joke of the Day

"Ate a salad for lunch so basically I didn't eat lunch."

"If being a disappointment were an Olympic sport.... I could win the gold, have my father present the medal to me, and it still wouldn't be enough for him to be proud of me."

"It is very wrong to ask a woman how much she weighs. (xpost from r/showerthoughts) Weight depends on the gravitational force of the planet you are on. You should ask her how massive she is."

"How does Kylo Ren talk on the phone? A Hans free device"

"How do you get a guitar player to shut up? Put sheet music in front of him"

"What does a gynecologist and a pizza boy have in common? They can smell it but they can't eat it."

"I hear the moon is a pretty boring place... There's absolutely no atmosphere"

"Lip Balm To My Wife Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She's still not talking to me."

"There's a spider in my bathroom. I neither can kill it or capture it, so now it has its very own room in my house to raise its spider family"

"Why didnt the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe"