116008

Joke of the Day

"So Thor walks into a bar.. Thor falls to the ground and Loki laughs ""that must have happened at least Thor hundred times this month"""

"""Excuse me, do you validate parking?"" I sure do, champ. *kisses your forehead* Your parking is second to none."

"Why couldn't the astronaut book a room on the moon? Because it was full."

"The Walmart app just updated on my phone and now water autocorrects to soda and exercise autocorrects to Doritos and beer."

"What did one wall say to the other wall? Let's meet up in the corner."

"My local supermarket is selling Star Wars-themed cereal... They really are trying to milk the franchise for all its worth."

"(Ad for a baby) gently used can't even kill you doesn't shed poops on a learning curve goes from 0-60 in roughly 60 years"

"me: How many calls do I get? cop: one me: What do you think is more likely? a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel?"

"I have absolutely no idea what the phrase ""saving room for dessert"" means."

"Do you like Fishsticks? Do you like putting Fishsticks in your mouth? You're a gayfish. #original"