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Joke of the Day

"My wife's leaving me because I'm too arrogant. I told her to close the door on her way back in."

"Why did everyone want to invite the mushroom to the party... Cause he was a fungi"

"Making a phone call that goes straight to voicemail releases dopamine."

"TIFU by getting and STD from my Grandma she gave me hepatitis G"

"""I can't wait until this one orange erases years of poor eating choices."" -me, dieting"

"What's worse than ants in your pants? Uncles *It's a verbal joke.*"

"How do you make Holy Water? You boil the hell out of it. (credit to Tasteless)"

"What do Canadian banks and psych wards have in common? They both contain locked up loonies!"

"My attitude changes in 5 seconds flat. From sweetheart to bitch. So I suggest you don't test that."

"I'm lucky have a friend like you. I'm just glad he isn't TOO much like you."