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Joke of the Day

"My wife's leaving me because I'm too arrogant. I told her to close the door on her way back in."

"So I finally got around to watching the Twin Tower attacks 9/11 would watch again."

"How do you get a bass player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza."

"How is a Mexican like a cue ball? The harder you hit 'em, the more English you get out of them."

"Baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."

"I'm pretty terrified of the possibility that you guys might crawl out of my phone like that girl in The Ring."

"Why do we have oceans? Because based god and acid god had a baby."

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change !"

"The reality is that a lot of girls out there just aren't prepared for a nice, decent guy."

"So I tried to watch a porno featuring Donald Trump... but I couldn't get off, because he changed positions too often."