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Joke of the Day
"What does a man often wake with, but can never go to sleep with? An alarm, you pervert!"
Next Joke
"Autocorrect just changed ""what are your plans"" to ""plants"". Yes autocorrect, I'm curious if they're growing roses or sunflowers?"
"Most people need a reason to drink, I need a reason not to drink."
"I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night He hypnotised 7 blokes then dropped the microphone on his foot and said 'fuck me!' What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life"
"The Scots are updating the perception of traditional Scottish fare. Oatmeal porridge will now be known as a Highland Smoothie."
"I don't want to seem desperate after a date so I usually text him 10 years later when he has a wife and kids."
"(Super Smash Bros. Joke) Why do waiters like a good Marth player? He tips well."
"Hangovers: because you had so much fun, you deserve to think about it all day"
"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur with vertigo? Falloffalottapuss"
"A suicide bomber walks into a bar But he doesn't blow up, because it's an Allahu snack bar."