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Joke of the Day

"[babysitting] Ok well sorry I threw all your kid's toys into the ocean but maybe next time be more clear if you suggest we have a tea party"

"My 13 year old daughter just lit a cigarette at the kitchen table. I've never been more furious! And in front of her kids too!"

"Caffeine is like my psycho girlfriend. As long as we're together everything is great, but if I ignore it for one day, it tries to kill me."

"Want to hear a funny presidential joke? Donald Trump."

"I like a girl that isn't afraid to jump in front of me during a robbery & say ""babe, please. I got this one, you bought dinner."""

"What should be Serena William's nickname? Tennis-ee Williams"

"What did the man do when he got a big gas bill? He exploded."

"What does black Vin Diesel smell like? What does black vin diesel smell like? Vinegar."

"Why would somebody punch a sheep? Ewe wouldn't understand."

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, But i dont know how they would get inside of it!"