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Joke of the Day

"I'll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities."

"What's the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo? The attorney charges more."

"Back in my day you knew who your real friends were because they ranked you in order of importance on Myspace."

"How many Obsessive-Compulsive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb? Just one. But he has to check it 100 times one for each watt."

"iPhone, if you correct ""harass"" to ""caress"" one more time you'll be held responsible for this generation's sex offenders."

"PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord BRB - Burn Religious Books TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi"

"There's a thin line between word and world."

"He told me he wanted a dirty girl so I didn't shower for two weeks. Now he won't return my calls. Forget women, MEN and their mixed signals!"

"Toddler in our bed last night; it was like sleeping with an octopus on meth."

"Two women in a shared cell were in the prison for 15yrs. When they were freed... ...they spent another 2hrs talking outside."