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Joke of the Day

"[to astronaut brother] Ooooh la la Gary's going to SPACE *does jerkoff motion* I'll be here on EARTH where my pizza & tv won't FLOAT AWAY"

"How do you find a blind man on a nudist beach? It's not hard..."

"Why did Jesus die on the cross? He forgot the safe word."

"What do you call a hippopotamus wearing Tie Dye? ... A hippiepotamus"

"no dude, if i wash my hands BEFORE going to the bathroom then they won't get my genitals dirty and i won't have to wash my hands after. duh"

"It's a great time to be a horse caretaker in this economy Stable jobs are hard to come by these days."

"Van Gogh's girlfriend: Oh my love! Why did you cut off your ear?! Van Gogh: pardon?"

"This afternoon, I was attacked by a group of gay men. I didn't know how to escape. I had to beat them off left and right"

"What do you call an underwater dog? A sub woofer!"

"What would the war be called if Donald Trump started war on the Mexicans? World war Juan"