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Joke of the Day

"When I text someone and they don't text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from over excitement."

"I like my men how I like my coffee. Sweet."

"What's Shaking? Not Ali...."

"Doctor: And did you drink your medicine after your bath Mrs Soap? Mrs Soap: No doctor. By the time I'd drunk the bath there wasn't room for medicine."

"Why did peanut butter flop at the talent show? He didn't have the right jam."

"There once was a jealous zombie... But he ate his heart out."

"Never eat bear steaks... they're too gristly. (grizzly if you didn't get it)"

"What does Ivanka call her lower back tattoo? A Trump stamp."

"What do you call a cop who doesn't shoot innocent black people? 1. Acquitted 2. Fired, retired or expired"

"*mom puts a gummy vitamin in my mouth while I yawn* Mom, I'm 36. *chews it up, swallows* Adults are supposed to have 2 though."