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Joke of the Day

"What's harder to pull out of than Iraq? Bristol Palin."

"If anyone finds 786 barely used tubes of Chapstick around my city, they're mine. I need them all back."

"What's the difference between me and Christmas? My wife isn't disappointed when Christmas comes early."

"A man goes into a butcher's shop and says ""I bet you 50 bucks you can't hand me the ribeye from the top shelf."" The butcher says: ""I can't take that bet, the steaks are too high."""

"I tried to catch a bunch of fog this morning. Mist"

"Before you take advice from me... you should know I walk around my house in my underwear while complaining about being cold."

"I get 9"" in bed every night. That's how much mattress is left for me once the dogs get comfortable."

"I wanna see Jurassic World, but I hear extincts."

"I've been staring at this bench press for 3 days now and I feel exactly the same. This ""Weight Watchers"" shit is a hoax."

"Call me crazy, but I kinda like the way people look with their lips cut off"