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Joke of the Day

"George Carlin appeared to me in a dream and asked me ""How can there be such a thing as a one-way street when you can obviously cross a street either way?"""

"A cash machine has just charged me two pound for a transaction but told me to cover my PIN to prevent from being robbed. Pretty ironic if you ask me"

"Sharks would look awesome with mustaches, but evolution said no. Cause evolution is a dick."

"*she hears me singing in the shower* Her: oh he's so cute *she hears a guitar amp click on and feedback ring out* Her: NATE NOOOOOOOOOOOO"

"An original joke about Mathew and Not-Mathew. Me:Mathew and Not-Mathew were on a boat. Mathew fell off the boat. Who was left? You:Not-Mathew. Me:Yeah Mathew was the one who fell out. Idiot."

"I like my slaves how I like my coffee Free"

"Why did Germany hold a ceremony for the Greek bankruptcy? They wanted to give credit where credit was due."

"Where did Putin tell the protesters where to meet? Crimea River"

"How many ""friend zoned"" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? How many ""friend zoned"" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw."

"Today I discovered my brother and I are both audiophiles... He came as soon as he heard."