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Joke of the Day

"How do nuns surf the web? On the Hymnternet."

"Last night, I had a dream that I was walking on a white sandy beach... At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning..."

"What do you call an Italian Yeti? A Spaghyeti!"

"A nicer way to call someone who was born through Incest ""Purebred"""

"[i get a phone call] ""Hi we'd like to talk to you about your tweets"" ME: Wow thank you but I don't do interviews ""This is the police"""

"If you're American & I ever hear you use the word ""whilst,"" this I swear: you will not live to see the 3rd season of Sherlock."

"Me: This is DISGUSTING! WHO PEED ON THE WALL?! 7yo: Not me. I only pee on the floor."

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself, and spiders, and bears, and scientists, and scientists creating spider bears, and science bears"

"Kid: Just bought a chicken, a bar, a door with no doorbell and a doctors surgery Man: Where did you buy all that junk? Kid: At the Joke shop."

"Why didn't the schizo cross the road He was in two minds about it."