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Joke of the Day

"Don't forget to smile today, but not that creepy smile that makes us all wonder how many bodies are buried in your yard."

"I opened a company.... for guys with erectile dysfunction because I felt sorry for them. Now they all want a bloody raise."

"You're like a semicolon. I'm not sure exactly what to do with you."

"A woman is in an abusive relationship. She's talking to her friend one day. Her friend asks, ""Why do you stay with him?"" She replies, ""Beats me!"""

"How many bears would Bear Grylls grill if Bear Grylls could grill bears? None. He'd eat them raw!"

"My walk of shame is every time I leave a girl's house after watching ""How I Met Your Mother"" with her."

"Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton? It said ""concentrate"" on it!"

"How many Black Lives Matters protesters does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything."

"If I haunt your house after I die and you hear strange noises, I probably just want you to change the TV channel. Please don't ghostbust me."

"0 Two muffins baking in the oven. One says ""Bloody hell! It's hot in here."" The other spins around..... ""AAAHHHHHH!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!! GET ME OUT!!!!"""