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Joke of the Day

"Everyone decides to come into my circumference right AFTER I fart. Always."

"What do you you say when a monk tries to kick you out of the monastery ? Namaste"

"The closest I have ever come to being involved in a threesome was when having sex with a ventriloquist. I was stoned and VERY confused."

"Maybe this is the vodka speaking, but Hi! I'm made from potatoes!"

"Reportedly Wayne Rooney said to Roy Hodgson ""I don't know if I'm better on the left, middle or right"" Hodgson responded ""Shut up and pick a seat on the plane Wayne"""

"Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away."

"Hey balloon animal guys, there are other dog breeds besides ""dachshund"" and other jobs besides ""balloon animal guy"""

"What is the difference between Scotland and a pregnant woman? A pregnant woman is in Labour"

"after u die u do the same life again on a higher difficulty setting. more relationships fail and more loved ones die. certain dogs explode"

"What's the difference between Texas and Russia? One's a disgusting cesspool full of paranoid, bigoted, anti-American sadists, and the other is really cold."