115180

Joke of the Day

"My grandfather's last words.. My Grandfather said, ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"What kind of murderer has moral fiber? A cereal killer."

"What do pirates use to copy files? Yarrrrrsync!"

"New Year's Eve probably sucks for Lance Armstrong... He can't enjoy watching the ball drop."

"If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & got your dogs from a shelter, how do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?"

"How do two lawyers greet each other? With a firm handshake."

"[throws a dart at map of the world] One day, I'm gonna go over there & pull that dart out. The next time I wanna play darts, probably."

"If Lord of the Rings starred Denzel Washington.... ...then at least there would be a Tolkien black guy."

"A Call for Assistance by Linda Hand"

"What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth.... and vagina? Only SOME of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded!"