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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I wasn't ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found."

"I hate it when people call me four letter words like innumerate."

"Silence is golden... But duct tape is silver."

"Me: Yeah like that, baby. Him: *caresses my back, plays with my hair* Me: *moans* Him: *growls* I'm gonna do so many-- Me: *snores, drools*"

"What do you call an alligator who's wearing a vest? An investigator."

"I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, ""Please, think of my children!"" Kinky bitch."

"What did one priest say to the other priest? ""Do you know where my son is?"" ""Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I'm a necrophiliac."""

"I heard about a robot that beat a man. He was charged with battery."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cricket ! Cricket who ? Cricket neck means I can't lift anything !"

"""Just be yourself"" is great advice to maybe 12% of people."