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Joke of the Day

"I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, ""Please, think of my children!"" Kinky bitch."

"My boyfriend thinks it's cute when I use the clap emoji but I've just been trying to tell him that I have an STD."

"#BLM is like frosting gotta beat some whites to stay real"

"People used to laugh at me when.... I said ""I want to be a comedian"", well nobody's laughing now."

"You gotta give it up to whoever invented mistletoe at Christmas, all they did was hang up a weed, but were like, ""now ye must kiss me."""

"If Wednesday is hump day... ...is Tuesday foreplay day?"

"I just pissed like a horse. Not an easy stance, let me tell you."

"What do the Patriots and Lance Armstrong have in common? They only have one good ball."

"How many cops does it take to push a man down the stairs? None, he fell."

"I'm glad Lassie wasnt my dog. I just want to watch TV, I don't want to be constantly rescuing people."