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Joke of the Day

"Girl, you remind me of an alarm clock... ...you were a good idea last night but now I just want you to shut the fuck up"

"How do you know your GF is getting fat? She starts fitting in your wife's clothes..."

"Did you know Helen Keller had an amusement park in her backyard? Neither did she."

"Women are like parking spaces... Sometimes all the good ones are taken so you need to put it in a disabled one."

"Say ""raise up lights"" out loud. You just said ""razor blades"" with an Australian accent."

"What's a Jewish pyromaniac's favorite explosive? A Mazeltov Cocktail"

"What kind of Pop do you cook with? Baking Soda"

"What is Jackie Chan's favorite drink? Wata"

"What do you call a quaterpounder with cheese in Zimbabwe? A yeast infection!"

"What's the similarity between Santa Claus and your doorbell ringing at 3am? It's your dad."