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Joke of the Day

"After this winter I'm so excited for spring... I wet my plants"

"A terrorist walks into a Akbar"

"Explain joke what do cows eat? le-moo-ns"

"Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away."

"I just swept a girl off her feet. I'm quite an aggressive janitor."

"I always shave my beard after having sex ... so I can remind my wife for how long we've not been doing it."

"What is Obama's least favourite instrument in an orchestra? The Trumppence"

"A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket..... and thinks, ""some asshole has my pen"""

"Doctor: ""I'm afraid-"" *Wife crying* ""I'm afraid your husband is in a better place now."" *cut to me on a roller coaster at Disneyland*"

"Why is Wrestling similar to porn? because it's fun to watch when you're younger... but you get depressed when you're told it's fake."