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Joke of the Day

"If I weren't such a genus I'd be more specific."

"[biologists find beached whale] its a new species what can we call it? [surfer walks by] yo killer whale bro [biologists look at each other]"

"My wife's fish net stockings are so tight that my legs look like wafer cookies when I take them off."

"People always give bridge builders a hard time... They're just trying to make ends meet."

"I can't believe I gave him my whole heart and he just shit on it like it was nothing, I hate mennnnever mind, he texted back. False alarm."

"My mother-in-law got into a car accident and broke both her legs and arms even god knows what a snake she is"

"Fun fact: every white person with dreadlocks believes in at least one government conspiracy."

"If the salesman doesn't come with me on the test drive, I just take the car home and wait for them to come get it. I have so many cars now."

"What's the difference between a whore and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking after it's slapped"

"Why should you never date a French Horn player? Because every time you kiss, they'll try to shove their fist up your ass."