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Joke of the Day

"The First Joke I wrote and Performed http://youtu.be/jENBlYJ6eOk"

"To catch chlamydia, you have to think like chlamydia."

"My wife bought me a second hand watch for my birthday... Anyway, better be going. The football starts in... 1200 seconds."

"How do you tell the difference between a meth head and a hillbilly? The meth head still has teeth."

"I saw my friend's kids at Walmart and they told me they were lost and I was like ""good luck guys"" and walked away. I'd be a great mother."

"My whole family loves iron It runs in our blood."

"Free shipping? I walked into an airport with two bags: ""I want this one to go to Chicago, and this one to go to Paris."" ""Sir, you can't do that."" ""Why not? It happened the last time."""

"My son looks just like me. With his eyes. xpost to /r/dadjokes"

"fishing is like girls Neither care about size when they're sleeping"

"I just did all the math and it turns out that girls have tweeted ""Sushi time!"" on 4,362,622,021 different occasions."