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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a guy that overeats for the sole purpose of getting stomachaches? A glutton for punishment."

"My boss said he wanted the fire drill to be as realistic as possible, but then he yelled at me for looting. Make up your mind, bro."

"If I had a dollar for everytime I had an existential crisis it wouldnt matter because currency is a social construct and life is meaningless."

"I hate when you compliment on their mustache... ..and suddenly she's not your friend anymore."

"So a patient walks into my therapist office... [INFORMATION PROTECTED BY THE HIPPA]"

"*jumping on a trampoline* What do you mean you want full custody?"

"[customs] ""Passport?"" *I lift up my bag & a severed head falls out* ME: OH NO OH GOD *still rummaging through bag* ME: I've forgotten it"

"How do you save a suicidal procrastinator? Tell them it can probably wait 'til tomorrow."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - T2 Barbie ...a study in silver"

"Have you heard the joke about the jump rope? You can skip it."