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Joke of the Day

"Velcro. What a rip-off."

"[talking to daughter's art major boyfriend] ""You know who else had a pointy beard? Satan."""

"I opened a window to let a fly out... and three more flew in, along with five mosquitoes, three ladybugs, a bird, and a Jehovah's Witness."

"Last night, I woke up to the ghost of Gloria Gaynor in my room. At first I was afraid, I was petrified..."

"The milk in my fridge is so old it thinks Elvis Presley's dancing is inappropriate."

"What makes a freezer and a gay man different? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out."

"Why can't you keep secrets in a bank? Because of all the tellers."

"The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room."

"I think I want a job cleaning mirrors it's just something I could really see myself doing."

"What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars ? Jack-u-la !"