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Joke of the Day

"What makes a freezer and a gay man different? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out."

"*phone rings* Wife: ""Quick! Pretend I'm not in!"" Me (a dad): ""Hello. Yes my wife is here. Hey, Not In. It's for you."" Wife: ""...."""

"Why are colds such bad robbers? Because they're so easy to catch!"

"Why didn't the USSR get anything done? They were Stalin"

"Why can't the penis and testicles ever be together? Because there's a vas deferens between them."

"When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there's really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge."

"So drunk that if Dracula bit my neck right now, he'd get a Bloody Mary."

"Christmas jokes needed I am about to MC a high school Christmas staff talent show and need your best Christmas or holiday jokes. This is happening in two hours."

"I got fired today for arranging the vegetables in a sexually suggestive way Apparently that's ""unacceptable behavior for a special needs teacher""."

"To save a tree... Eat a beaver."