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Joke of the Day

"I realize I misspelled a word in my last Tweet. On that note I'm about to eat a Famous Anus cookie."

"If you try to rob my house, you should know that the item in the house I paid the most for are my son's braces."

"Have you seen www.usedmatch.com? Yes but I didn't find it striking."

"My friends say that I'm gay because I don't like football. What a bunch of idiots. I'm gay because I like cock."

"I think I want to be a ballerina. Or a fire dancer. Or I want to set a ballerina on fire. I don't know. I'm still working it out."

"what do you do when your dishwasher stops working? slap her"

"Robin Hood and Little John walking through the forest... Have fun getting that song out of your head."

"Why are there no joke about Jonestown? The punchlines are too long."

"Is it bad to feel the need to finish off prescription drugs before they expire? I don't have most of these ailments but they were expensive"

"Why do redditors hate Ellen Pao as CEO? It was the Wong choice"