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Joke of the Day

"*drinks milkshake* *runs to yard* *sifts through all the boys* *sighs* *puts up more posters for missing son*"

"I haven't pooped in a couple weeks I'm not constipated, I'm just procrapstinating"

"Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine... ""One liter of water."" it read. Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair ""This speaks volumes..."""

"When I punish my 16 I don't take away her phone I take away her charger and then I watch the fear in her eyes as her battery dies. It's fun"

"What's the difference between a musician and a dead body? One composes, the other decomposes..."

"What do you call 5 guys who have no arms or legs and a woman floating in the water together? Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob and Ann"

"*makes typo* *deletes tweet* *deletes twitter* *deletes life*"

"Bed Bath & Beyond starts off pretty normal-sounding, but then it goes galactic."

"Can Feburary March? No. But April May"

"Teacher: What's a robin? Fred: A bird that steals ma'am."