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Joke of the Day

"*drinks milkshake* *runs to yard* *sifts through all the boys* *sighs* *puts up more posters for missing son*"

"Your Honor, these 52 selfies on my clients phone at the precise moment of the crime prove that my client can only be guilty of narcissism."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Aladdin ! Aladdin who ? Aladdin the street wants a word with you !"

"If April Showers bring May Flowers, What do May Flowers bring? Histamines"

"Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger inspire George W Bush to become president? A: Because he could explain the Bush administration's positions on civil liberties in the original German!"

"What do Russians call their sexual partners? Cumrades"

"NASCAR is a visualization of how women argue. They keep going in circles. And I sit through both things with the same hope: If I wait long enough, maybe they will crash and burn."

"So a baby and I head into a bar, smashed... Wait, I think I'm telling this one wrong... I smashed a bar into a baby's head. There it was."

"What drinking game can you play with some Mormon buddies Drink every time r/funny is actually funny"

"What's black and white and red all over? After it was stuck in traffic because of protesters blocking the freeway: a police car."