113783

Joke of the Day

"After seeing some of the things posted on /r/Jokes lately, I believe it's time someone finally said something. Something."

"I bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.."

"hi reddit okay bye reddit"

"Having an intelligent conversation with my 17 year old son. Just kidding. He's making fart noises while I talk about the SATs."

"Yes, It's true eagles can soar... ...but at least weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"What instrument does the uterus play? The fallopian tuba."

"She's so fat, she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book."

"Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your dog dance with you on it's hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it too."

"People who say they're in the best shape of their lives are usually about to die."

"I have good and bad news WIFE: Bad news first We need a new front door WIFE: And the good news? [points to Monster Truck in living room]"