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Joke of the Day

"[Emergency Room] MRS. PINATA: Will my husband make it, doc? DOCTOR *slurping on sucker*: We'll do what we can but he's lost a lot of candy"

"If your ringtone is a Black Eyed Peas song you have 4 seconds to answer before the entire office throws their stapler at you."

"Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job."

"Did you hear about the kid who was born without eyelids? They used his foreskin to make eyelids. The poor little kid is gonna be *cock*eyed the rest of his life."

"I'm surprised the human race doesn't solve more conflicts with warm bread."

"Cops are looking for a man who robbed a store using scissors. They say the guy could be a real danger--unless you have a rock."

"When do Arabs return their library books? the day they're Dubai."

"Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no guts!"

"Everyone knows you can tell a criminal is lying if his lips are moving, but how do you know when a cop is lying? His pen is moving."

"Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?"