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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the kid who was born without eyelids? They used his foreskin to make eyelids. The poor little kid is gonna be *cock*eyed the rest of his life."

"Helen Keller walks into a bar.... And a table.....then some chairs..."

"I'll be a millionaire once I'm done making this device that lets you punch people in the face over the internet."

"At the Playboy Mansion I bet they serve fancy whore d'oeuvres before the main intercourse."

"What did the Pirate say when he got his firecrackers? Ahoy M-80"

"Me: You know, talking to yourself doesn't make you crazy. Me: I know, right? Me: It's a sign of advanced intelligence. Me: High-5. Me: Word."

"Jesus draws a bath after an exhausting day, gets in ""Damn it, c'mon, not again!"" he says as he sits on top of the water, unable to submerge"

"Going to my daughter's middle school basketball game. In light of recent events, I've asked her to leave the guns at home."

"Steve Irwin should have wore sunblock... ... to prevent against harmful rays."

"What's the difference between an orange? One of them doesn't."