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Joke of the Day

"Never buying anything home-made on eBay again... I bought an 'Irony Detector' off of eBay, but it was broken. It detected everything *but* irony..."

"A boy talks to his mother about what he hopes to become. The boy said, ""Mom? I have something to tell you"" ""Go ahead"", the mother said. ""I promise not to laugh."" *The boy wanted to be a comedian.*"

"instagram me like one of your drunk girls"

"Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull."

"A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them for a minute and says, ""What is this, a joke?"""

"Knock Knock Who's there? Little Boy Blue Little Boy Blue who? Michael Jackson"

"Have you heard about Reddit OP having a miscarriage? She could not deliver :("

"If Nefertiti owned a topless bar which served tea she could have marketed her business with t-shirts. You could call them 'Nefertiti's titties, tease, teas, and tees.' Edit: better grammar/phrasing."

"Why do people draw sunglasses on the sun? It's like, dude, he's the sun. They make sunglasses because of him."

"Tip: ""At the same time"" has more characters than ""simultaneously."" The point is, having a vocabulary helps you tweet gooder."