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Joke of the Day

"What did the religious pear say to the grape that lost his wife? ""Everything happens for a raisin"""

"What doesn't kill me makes me smaller - Mario"

"[dog walking a human] *walks by a coffeeshop with its door open* HUMAN: *tries to sprint in* COFFEE DOG: woah boy *pulls leash* easy there"

"""I just want a nice guy who treats me right."" said every girl who dumped that dude like ten times."

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton survive a capsized boat. Who drowns? The boat."

"What do u call a soda that has eyes A fanta see. It never happens"

"What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine-shaft? A flat minor"

"What do rioting jewish people throw? Mazel tov cocktails"

"If I was a detective, my main suspect would always be the person who returns to the scene of the crime AND is eating a Klondike bar."

"Embrace her crazy and she'll love you forever or until she kills you, whichever comes first"