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Joke of the Day

"[dog walking a human] *walks by a coffeeshop with its door open* HUMAN: *tries to sprint in* COFFEE DOG: woah boy *pulls leash* easy there"

"A roast beef walks into a bar... Bartender says ""Hey! Get the hell out of here! We don't serve food here"""

"Whats the worst part about a threesome? Watching your parents fuck"

"What does a blonde owl say? Why!"

"If your Uncle Jack helped you off a horse, would you help your Uncle Jack off a horse?"

"Why was the professor cross-eyed? Because he couldn't control his pupils!"

"Me: Your generation sits around with their noses in their phones Niece: Your generation made the guys who wrote the Macarena rich Me: ..."

"If two past lovers can remain friends, either they never were in love or they still are."

"Your body is a temple. Congrats on the expanding congregation!"

"What's the difference between Elliot Rodger and an egg? [x-post from r/4Chan] An egg gets laid before it cracks. [Source:](http://i.imgur.com/L4kXpw8.jpg)"