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Joke of the Day
"I've got a job defusing landmines. It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet."
Next Joke
"what do you call a fake noodle an impasta"
"I heard Reese's is doing a monkey shaped chocolate bar now.. It's called a Reese's Macaque."
"Date: Cat-callers disgust me. Me: [hastily returning phone to pocket] Oh haha yeah me too. My cat: *at home by the phone worried sick*"
"Beneath that furry exterior your cat has at least 6 neck tattoos."
"Why do all the ladies love Jesus? (spreads out arms to fullest length) Because he was hung like this."
"And the Oscar goes too.......... Prison."
"85% of the time I spend in a bathroom stall is spent waiting for the other person in the bathroom to leave."
"*shows up at ur door holding a bouquet of flowers with all the petals ripped off* hi, i brought u som flowers that told me u love me"
"I'm starting to think my neighbor is a drug dealer... for one, he has like 10 cellphones... and secondly, he sells me drugs like everyday."